Psychomuse.com
Psychomuse.com
Poetry, 2002
TWO STEPS FORWARD
42002010561 - ©2002 WLL
The distance is growing with every mile
Only tonight can I realize this while
The question I've asked is answered at last
With a hesitant look that knows all too fast
Yet it isn't so easy to explain why I'm tense
Why the anxiety is getting so dense
And more so at each and every arrival
I know that it's part of my weary survival
Two steps forward, one step back
Searching myself for what I still lack
Never quite knowing just what I feel
Vaguely I'm seeing a part of what's real
It's so hard to balance my thoughts and my fears
Can even be hard to realize my tears
What am I feeling, and what needs to be?
Confusion and clarity seem so new to me
On one hand I know what I need to know
But need the experience so that I may grow
On the other I feel like a typical woman
With wants and desires that are basically human
Two steps forward, one step back
Searching myself for what I still lack
Never quite knowing just what I feel
Vaguely I'm seeing a part of what's real
So many aspects to consider although
Sometimes the wondering is only my foe
Creating a distance is merely a way
To keep my delicate feelings at bay
Yet somehow once I come around
All my walls come crashing down
I make them stronger still, but then
They come crashing down again
Two steps forward, one step back
Searching myself for what I still lack
Never quite knowing just what I feel
Vaguely I'm seeing a part of what's real
Two steps forward, one step back
There'll always be something I feel that I lack
But whether I know what it is that I feel
I know that I'm seeing a part of what's real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW THAT WE HAVE GROWN
42002011151 - ©2002 WLL
So many of my poems had much to do with you
At the time I didn't see it but now I know I knew
Go ahead and laugh out loud, I know it sounds so trite
Yet you're the one that in my darkness always shines so bright
I tried so hard to lose this sense but always it returned
Going through the motions then, of thinking I'd be burned
But then, like now, the sense had never really left me flat
My mind was there, 'twas only I, that didn't give a drat
Here we are yet once again, now that we have grown
If only I had listened, then maybe I'd have known
But if we did it over, we might not be here now
I try and try to understand yet never quite know how
Couldn't comprehend why I'd thought you should be here
I sensed it in my mind and soul that you were always near
So many times I tried to lose the link I had to you
But other times I wished so hard that you would sense it too
And now we walk upon this path that you and I have found
Even though I'm waiting for the day my feet can touch the ground
The thought of leaving sends my mind into a frenzied scream
And so I let it wander on wherever it shall lean
And here we are yet once again, now that we have grown
If only I had listened, then maybe I'd have known
But if we did it over, we might not be here now
I try and try to understand yet never quite know how
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINALLY
42002011411 - ©2002 WLL
Nine years had passed, I knew it was time
To take a small chance and hope that I'd find
The young man I'd linked with many ages ago
I found him so quickly, how was I to know?
His eyes gleamed bright as I opened the door
Very same ones I barely remembered before
But that was back then, this is right now
He walks in the door, barely looking around
Never before had I felt such a link
His ways may have changed a little I think
I'd always suspected that we'd get together
But hardly believed that he'd really remember
This may be new but the feelings are old
His eyes are so blue, yet seem very gold
I notice his body for perhaps the first time
But still I hold back so I'm not out of line
It could have been friendly but I didn't doubt
That sooner, not later, I was going to find out
That more than the link was tying us so
Chemistry claimed us and wouldn't let go
I'm happy to say that I was quite good
And held myself back like I knew that I should
But I had to give in and I'm glad that I did
For now I reveal the emotions I'd hid
These days are much simpler yet still so profound
For so very long I waited around
Now here he is, for now anyway
Perhaps it won't last, but I'm loving today
For how many times in my life have I felt
The way that I do, like I'm going to melt?
'Twas obsession before, but now I've moved on
And I want to enjoy this before it is gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CONSTANT REMINDERS
42002011521 - ©2002 WLL
A flickering light
I glance at the drive
Reminds me of you
I feel so alive
Another light means
The music is playing
Reminds me of what
You could be here saying
Get up, stretch my legs
Pick up the guitar
Reminds me I'm learning
We are who we are
Keyboard turned on
I play an old tune
Reminds me I wrote it
Because I'd met you
The rain hits my face
As I walk out the door
Reminds me of when
You weren't there anymore
Arriving at work
I see where I am
Reminds me of how
We meet when we can
Look through the clouds
Blue sky up above
Reminds me to thank
The Lord for His Love
Constant reminders
Of how I may feel
Reminds me I'm still
Not sure that you're real.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PAST AND PRESENT
42002012661 - ©2002 WLL
Years ago I had a crush
On someone that I couldn't see
At the time for we were young
And so, back then, it couldn't be
And yet my thoughts were all of him
As obsession took control
Couldn't seem to let it die
Darkness loomed around my soul
Even as things changed for me
And the past was left behind
Many times I'd think of him
And swore at times he'd touched my mind
But that was then and this is now
My obsession ended here
We finally met and got involved
Now there isn't any fear
For I've learned of who he his,
Of what's behind the solemn face
I think I fell in love with him
Despite some things he needs to face
And yet because of what I see
I cannot let myself allow
My heart to rule my head again
For that would only tear me down
I knew the time was right for us
And now I know our time will end
I'm going on without you now
Knowing that my heart will mend
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LETTING GO
42002012771 - ©2002 WLL
How can someone be so gentle
Collected, calm, and so polite
Speaking words so full of wisdom
And at the same time draw the Night?
How can someone understand
And in the shadows cast a light
Over something dark and dreary
And at the same time lose his sight?
What on earth can spark your mind
And light the way to make you see
What on earth can make you stronger
Strong enough to be with me?
What on earth can break your spirit
And build you up more steadily
Into someone I respect
Strong enough to merely be?
Why is it that you tear me down
When I can't help but love you so
Why is it that I can not see
There's a reason that I should let go?
Why is it that you cannot do
What you should already know
What can make you understand
There's a reason that I've let you go?
And if you knew all of these answers
Would you be so kind to tell?
I write these words so easily
But all applies to me as well
For how can someone like myself
Seem so happy, full of life
Yet at the same time turn to someone
Who only seeks a serving wife?
And even as I have these thoughts
And anger, I know, in time will strike
I wonder just how much of him
Is something in me I don't like
At any rate I cannot stay
With someone over which I'll cry
I won't accept abuse from you
This very thing would make me die
I know our paths will cross again
Forever caught within this loop
But now I must go on alone
Forever on a separate route.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
RAINING WITHIN
42002012921 - ©2002 WLL
Slipping away
Hourglass sand
Time is flying
Where was the fun?
Falling away
A rock from a cliff
The oceans recede
Is everything done?
Grasses ignite
Skies are aflame
Clouds disappear
There is no more rain
The world disappears
All left is a void
Stars are all gone
But so is the pain
Beauty has vanished
Lights have gone out
Sunsets are night
Mornings no more
The sun will not rise
Won't brighten the sky
The room is all dark
There isn't a door
But there is no more hurt
No anger, no pain
No feelings of guilt
No semblance of shame
All slights are forgiven
The hatred is gone
The water pours down
There's no one to blame
A new world beginning
The stars are reborn
New lights in the sky
The sunrise in bloom
A hand touches mine
Forgiving my wrongs
New love I have found
I wake in this room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LIFELONG FRIEND
42002013031 - ©2002 WLL
He holds my hand when I am sad
And holds me back as I get mad
He lifts me up when I am glad
And brings me back if I am bad
And if I fall He helps me up
Pours the water in my cup
Makes my bed so I may sleep
Gives me tears so I can weep
When I'm down and all alone
He lets me know I have a home
Gives me guidance in my need
Even if I don't agree
Many times I've been afraid
Many times I know I've strayed
Yet He's been there by my side
Even when I've tried to hide
He gives me words so I might pray
Allows me to see the sun every day
Shows me the movement of the clouds in the sky
His presence was there when I thought I could die
At times I try to hide my pain
But I know I try in vain
For He sees me everywhere
And I know He's always there
He is the key that opens the cage
The very music on every page
All the notes beat to His time
His inspiration allows me to rhyme
Every breath in life that I take
Every single time that I wake
All the things I do and say
He is with me every day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FILTERED LIGHT
42002020521 - ©2002 WLL
A slight ambience
The sun is out
It filters in
Through the shades
Won't be forgotten
It almost glows
As it peeps in
Casting its warmth
In an otherwise dark
Basement apartment
Parts on the desk
Computers as well
Electronics all over
Mixing with mine
Their energies mix
They seem to be playing
Strewn all about
With no rhyme or reason
Yet somehow confusion
Adds to their charm
Released from the deep
Waters of memory
Some things have resurfaced
And things have so changed
With the experience
Things are quite different
When you're older
Ten tiny years
Were my whole life
For someone like me
The side of the room
Brass caught my eye
Looking so old
Not nearly as bright
As it should be
Envision his fingers
Wrapped around it
Creating the sound that
Belies its appearance
And makes it more real
Memories fading
I sit here and think
Of whether I'd change
Anything at all
That's happened in life
The answer is no
For it would have meant
That things would be different
Perhaps even better
Than what they are now
But the sun might not find
Its way to this room
Igniting the brass
Attracting the memories
And passion for life
Things that I love
All that I've learned
The days full of light
These might not exist
If things had been different
The glow changes
As the sun rises up
A sleeper keeps waking
With new rays of light
That glow with new life
Covers come off
The cold rushes in
A delicate kiss
That continues to teach
The writer within
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SAFE WITHIN HER
42002021071 - ©2002 WLL
I sit here listening to the rain outside
Wondering where my thoughts are hiding tonight
Internet chatting is easy to do
A little escape when I'm missing you
Growth takes time for many I know
So often I realize that I have to go
But leaving is hard, I've been here so long
I'm happy to hear this comfortable song
How long shall I stay, a month, maybe two
Or will it be years before I leave you?
So much we have gone through, that much is for sure
If only I'd find a definite cure
It isn't your fault that I am this way
But nor is it mine that you're sad today
We're but two people just searching for life
And need to be separate even if by the knife
I need to go out and learn how to grow
We're really too close as both of us know
We may have been joined as if we were twins
But when we're together, nobody wins
Things are so plain, yet so hard to see
I only hope that one day I'll be
Able to leave without looking back
Knowing that we can find what we lack
How can I say I love you and leave
Without looking back and watching you grieve
As years of your life have melted away
I know that without you I'll be okay
How can I say I love her and leave
Can't help but look back and watch momma grieve
As years of my life are helping me see
That with her around I cannot be me
Safe within her womb I am
And yet without I know I can
Be myself and learn to feel
For myself and know what's real
And still I stay within her womb
Which, as I age, becomes my tomb
I cannot stay here one more day
I have to learn to break away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND IF...
42002021811 - ©2002 WLL
If I were to die right now
And I could leave a happy soul
I pray my spirit learned enough
To have reached a needed goal
And if death waits until I'm sick
I'd welcome it with open arms
And if my body's torn apart
I pray death keeps my soul from harm
And if I reach an older age
Where death is welcome any day
Then I'd pray my soul is good
And grew enough to lead my way
And if death means I'm simply gone
And my soul will die with me
I do not care if I'm forgotten
For I had lived when I could be
And if my soul goes on forever
I pray that other souls will too
For even if I were eternal
All alone, what would I do?
And if God loves me, that is all
That I would need to bring me cheer
I'd know for sure that He loves you
Even when you're seldom near
And if I cease to grow and learn
I know my soul would die right then
For without Him leading me
I would not know where I've been
And if we grow to love each other
And learn to give unselfishly
I know our souls would learn to live
And then we'd learn just how to be
And if we never reach that far
I hope that we can reach above
All the stakes that keep us caged
And at least believe in Love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FAR AWAY
42002030631 - ©2002 WLL
The piano is playing
The singer, she sings
They're such lonely sounds
My heart, it has wings
You're so far away
From my body right now
I would wish you here
But I don't know how
So onward I fly
High over the trees
Searching for you
I fall to my knees
I pray that I make it
All through the night
Without you here with me
To show me your light
Yet while I wish you
Could be here with me
I know that you'd be here
If only I'd see
That though I can't touch you
I still feel you near
For whenever our minds touch
You're always right here
My mind quiets down
As the lids to my eyes
Squeeze shut for some sleep
As I soar through the skies
Searching for you
My heart slowing down
I find the green field
You're always around
We parted so long
Yet always I knew
That one day we'd meet
That I would find you
And softly caress
The face that I see
I waited so long
Now you're here with me
Morning will come
I'll wake with a start
But no matter what happens
We're never really apart
Searching for you
My feelings abound
You're so far away
But always around
My heart keeps on flying
The happiness won
The singer has finished
The piano is done
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANDERINGS
42002031921 - ©2002 WLL
Flashes of green
Mixing with blue
Whispy white clouds
They lead me to you
High up in the air
Feet dangling below
Something propels me
To go where you go
The fields are a blur
The ocean mere blue
I keep on wandering
Until I find you
A road comes before me
I think I will land
But then we're above it
You've taken my hand
Together we're flying
We follow the road
Off into the sunset
We carry our load
High up in the air
Feet dangling below
Something propels us
To go where we go
We tire of flying
And drop to the ground
Thinking together
There isn't a sound
Another sun rises
The day starts anew
We wander some more
I'm looking at you
Thunder between us
Lightning nearby
We look all around
Again we must fly
We're back in the air
Feet dangling below
Something propels us
To go where we go
Centuries pass
And still we go on
Flying the road
Until it is gone
High up in the air
I look down below
Trees are so distant
The sky is aglow
I see you again
As we disappear
I know we will meet
I know you are near
A very quick breath
And then I shall go
And wait for the day
You're all that I know
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GERBILS
42002032251 - ©2002 WLL
White and taupe and almost black,
You bring to my life what computers lack.
Sniffing and digging and running all over,
These three little critters have won my heart over!
Lucy is white with red eyes that squint
Twinkle's eyes glisten, the colour of flint
Puff is the leader with taupe-coloured fur
I wait for the day when Twinkle beats her
Whenever they chew, their eyes squeezing shut,
I look at them, they look at me and say, "What?!
"Ain't you seen a gerbil chewing before?"
But I only smile and cut them a door.
In and out they go through this hole,
Digging a tunnel as far as they go.
One paws the glass, another eats seeds,
I peek into a box as the third one's asleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLEETING MOMENTS
42002032471 - ©2002 WLL
I don't think you really know
Just how much I love you so
But you're not here, I feel alone
And how I wish you would come home
Will I ever let you see
Just how much you mean to me
Or will I stay alone with you
And wait until you feel it, too?
Love someone, then set them free
I know that's what you want to be
We've met again, but still I know
How many times I've let you go
Fleeting moments, all we know
Seems that time becomes my foe
But even though we say goodbye
Nothing ever breaks the tie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SURVIVAL
42002032511 - ©2002 WLL
No one listens any more
I used to stand outside my door
Now my doorway can't be found
Lightning crackles all around
Standing in a field of dead
My head, it seems, is full of lead
Flashes here before my eyes
I try to look up toward the sky
Tainted earth, it fills my lungs
I sense where the sign was hung
Pounding chest, it cannot hide
The war is done, or have they lied?
Blood-filled rain, it fills the skies
Clouds are drenched with all the lies
Sound of thunder, falling rain
All the flowers feel the pain
Another flash, I'm now alone
Whatever happened to my home?
Fires burning, I am lost
To win, we suffer, that's the cost
My arm is gone but I don't care
I think I'm selling fresher air
Where did they go, what did they take?
Oh, my God, I am awake
Where have I been, I can't recall
The trees around me are so tall
Have you been here all along?
I can hear your happy song
Am I dreaming, is this real?
I find I have the urge to kneel
Might I ask how I got here?
It doesn't matter with you near
Look at all the people there
They don't seem to have a care
Will I be like them one day?
You say I am allowed to stay?
I am blinded by you now
And I can't remember how
To avoid your hands on me
Suddenly I really see
Forgive them, please, for they don't know
If you wish then I will go
Spread the truth within my heart
I know we will never part
The song is gone but I don't care
I think I'm smelling musty air
Where did they go, what did they take?
Oh, my God, I am awake
Cold and damp I lie in pain
Someone found me in the rain
I must survive and tell them all
About the song and trees so tall
They don't believe my story yet
To them I'm just a crippled vet
But I promised I would share
God, why won't they try to care?
No one listens any more
I stand outside a blackened door
My words are falling on deaf ears
But in the darkness, someone hears
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANTICS
42002033061 - ©2002 WLL
Nibble your food
Or take a quick bath
Play with the others
Run around fast
Hide from my eyes
Or come out to play
Build up your dwelling
Or tear it away
Spill the new water
I put in there for you
I'll just refill it
Because I love you
Jump at the mirror
See who's inside
Figure it out
Or run off and hide
Scratch at the glass
Roll on your back
Chew on the box
Or have a light snack
Play with the wheel
Or leave it alone
Whatever you do
This is your home
Sleep soft and gentle
Right after your race
I see your soft breathing
And watch your cute face
Again I see movement
As I ready for bed
I watch in the night
Make sure that you're fed
I'll laugh at your antics
For all of your days
You stand up so tall
I love all your ways
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEAR OR FAR
42002041361 - ©2002 WLL
He writes "miss you," signs his name
How I wish I knew his game
Far apart yet we're so close
I think I need another dose
Running fast to get away
Getting through another day
Trying not to let him rule
Gotta keep my body cool
Travelling on beyond the miles
I envision all his smiles
In my dreams his hands hold mine
In the dark I am sublime
On the phone or in his car
Whether he is near or far
On and on our paths will cross
Never finding total loss
How many people think of this
As a form of happy bliss?
Six months ago, I asked just how
We'd go on but now is now
Here we are, still going on
Almost all my doubts are gone
In his arms you know I'll stay
Until the day he goes away
Living in the here and now
Never knowing fully how
Even though we're far apart
The distance doesn't stop my heart
On the phone or in his car
Whether he is near or far
On and on our paths will cross
Never finding total loss
In a chat or at a bar
Whether he was near or far
On and on our paths have crossed
We both know we haven't lost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANOTHER MAN
42002041471 - ©2002 WLL
People would think that we cannot care
If we keep fighters away from the air
All throughout history people have fought
To keep faith or freedom, whatever they'd sought
If we went on without any war
Maybe we wouldn't know what life is for
No one should grow, we all have to die
So many people can't see though the lie
And who am I to see through the world
I am but a pawn, about to be hurled
Through yet another blast from the past
And for all that I know, it won't be the last.
And the whole world is saying that it's our job to fight
Gotta protect all that we know is right
Why do we live and allow all these lies
Away from our fun another man dies
Holding up signs, painted in red:
"Stop all this war before we are dead"
We all survive with our tvs on
Arrogance means that we'll carry on
Profits are reaped from movies we make
Not having money is all a mistake
Everyone knows that money is power
Aren't you in awe of this ancient tower?
The ignorant go to fight for us now
History books have all told us how
How great we all are in our country of choice
How hard it's become to hear our own voice.
And the whole world is saying it's our job to fight
Never believing that it might not be right
Why do we live and allow all these lies
In some foreign land another man dies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WALLS OF CHAINS
42002042171 - ©2002 WLL
Here I am, chained to these walls
Watching the people as they walk down the halls
No one stops, but they're all free to stare
All that I know how to do is shut my eyes to the blinding glare
Several years pass and I have grown tall
Suddenly my chains are ripped from this wall
Everyone who watches will nod with their acceptance
No one likes a person here with any type of grievance
But now that I am free I don't need for them to see
Isn't that the way that things are meant to be
Happiness is in the soul if you choose for it to live
And every person in the world has the choice to take or give
There I was, chained to these walls
I watched the people as they walked down the halls
No one would stop, but they could all stare
All that I knew how to do was shut my eyes to the blinding glare
The glare was so bright because it was night
The pavement would shine reflections of light
Freedom so simple, so elusive to me
That is the way that things are to be
Several years pass and I have grown tall
Even my chains are ripped from the wall
No one can see me but I can see through
All of their faces and find what is true
But now that I am free, I don't need for them to see
How all the chains made impressions on me
Happiness is in my soul if I choose for it to live
And it took me years to learn that I can take or give
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ELUSIVE DREAMS
42002042172 - ©2002 WLL
I swam to find an island alone
One to call my very own
I found it here and settled down
No one saw my teary frown
As all the words within my reach
Were stranded here upon this beach
I felt you with me on this sand
Although I never touched your hand
Sunlight warms my body now
Oftentimes I wonder how
Even though you're far away
I can see you plain as day
And all the words within my reach
Are stranded here upon this beach
And I can feel you on this sand
And never really touch your hand
Words elude my mind right now
Oftentimes I wonder how
I can reach above the sky
Take you with me as I fly
Space and time, they've fled my mind
How often am I left behind
By a trail that's not my own
Before I can be fully grown?
And all the words within my reach
Are stranded here upon this beach
And I can feel you on this sand
And never really touch your hand
Where have you gone, are you still there?
I thought I felt you in the air
But you avoid my ears and eyes
Why won't you come down from the skies?
And I can feel you on this sand
And never really touch your hand
Elusive dreams tie you and me
How could I think we cannot be?
I feel your warmth within the sand
I feel you as you touch my hand
In my dreams you are so near
When I wake you are not here
And still I feel you in the sand
And though I never touch your hand
All the words within my reach
Will stay here, stranded, on this beach
Even as I swim away...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WEEPING WILLOW
42002050571 - ©2002 WLL
Your words, they fell, upon my ears
So late within the night
They struck a chord quite heavily
And now you're out of sight
The dream is dead, it's over now
Although we still are friends
And though the hurt is deep inside
The road goes on and never ends
What life is worth living
If you find your life has lied?
Like a young and weeping willow
I've sat alone and cried.
Why is it when I'm with you
All my dreams can end?
And why is it when I'm with you
All my will can bend?
For years I held you in my heart
And prayed you would not die
Before I could make love to you
But my life has been a lie
What life is worth living
If your life has been a lie?
Like a young and weeping willow,
I sit alone and cry.
How often had I wondered
Where your soul could be?
My tears are raindrops falling
Upon the truth I see.
Why is it, when I'm with you
All my dreams can end?
And why is it, when I'm with you
All my will can bend?
Is my life worth living
Can I keep it from the lie?
Like a young and weeping willow
I'll sit alone and cry.
The dream is dead, it's over now
Although we still are friends
And though the hurt is running deep
The road goes on and never ends
And the willow keeps on weeping
Despite the truth it now can see
One day the sun will lift it up
But for now it's just a tree.
And it keeps on weeping...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WAKING UP
42002050721 - ©2002 WLL
The road is winding through our minds
Despite the darkness of the night.
Side by side, we travel on.
We talk until the morning light.
Many things I've learned from you;
All these things I need to know.
And as I slowly start to dream,
I know it's time to let you go.
Although the sun shines bright outside,
Darkness covers up the day.
The dreams I've sought to teach me more
Tell me how you've slipped away.
Subsided words, we fell asleep.
Side by side, our hearts were one.
We wake within the afternoon
And know, for now, our time is done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LONELY BEAT
42002050722 - ©2002 WLL
Bouncing to a lonely beat
The room is dim with dying heat
Nothing really much to say
But I'm writing anyway
Thoughts are stored within this head
I think they're turning into lead
For every one is heavy now
I'd like to sleep but don't know how
For until the sun is gone
My body has to carry on
Until the night comes crashing down
Nothing hides my smiling frown
Bouncing to its lonely beat
The rhythm leaves behind its heat
And then it goes, the rhythm's gone
Left me here to carry on
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COINCIDENCE
42002050831 - ©2002 WLL
I sit here reading poetry
That I'd written years ago
And suddenly I realize
Just how much I didn't know
Coincidence, so hard to see
Beyond the limits of my pen
Until it's done and over with
And I can see things once again
All the searching I had done
When you were there so very long
Bitterness eroded truth
Yet I fought to hear your song
I try to reason with myself
But something deep inside of me
Tells me things are not quite done
Until they are we can't be free
The darkness falls like heavy clouds
The Link persists despite my gloom
Coldness makes me shiver where
I'm sitting in this empty room
Music only amplifies
All I try to stop but then
Without you here I feel insane
I play the song just once again
All the searching I have done
You've been here for so very long
Understanding fights the lie
Still I fight to hear your song
Coincidence, so hard to see
Beyond the limits of my pen
Until it's done and over with
And I can see things once again
I sit here reading poetry
That I'd written years ago
And suddenly I realize
Just how much I'll never know
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BRILLIANCE LOST
42002051051 - ©2002 WLL
Attracted to a brilliant mind
Intelligence not far behind
I turned to see you but your sight
At times for me was just too bright
Many meetings we have had
Many nights we've been so sad
Dreams are shattered in the night
With the dawning of new light
Off we went to far off lands
Little do we know our hands
Hold on so tight in case we fall
We've been together through it all
But within a single life
Truth is like a dulling knife
I'll wake alone when you're not here
Even hopes won't bring you near
So in our dream I try to stay
For in life you're far away
Brilliance leaves me far behind
Even as I see a sign
Telling me to let you go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NO TEARS
42002051161 ©2002 WLL
No tears are left for me to cry
But fears are left for me to fight
My heart has died alone again
Waiting for a noble man
The tears they fell like rain
They helped to ease my pain
But now the sky is silent red
Roaring through my pounding head
Hot and cold, I am so torn
When will my soul again be born?
I know so much about you still
But I am weary of your will
Where are you now, where have you been?
You've been gone since 1910
This man stood tall but still I hid
So afraid I'm still a kid
No tears will ever save my day
The fears I fight won't let me play
My life goes on despite the pain,
My life goes on despite the pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WAYWARD SNOW
42002051861 - ©2002 WLL
Snow starts to fall at the wrong time of year,
Darkness is looming but still you are near.
I feel the decision and now I accept
That nothing I do can make you come here.
How long had I wondered about where you went?
How many thoughts did I think you had sent?
What did I learn from such an occurrence?
Did I learn that I love you despite the cement?
We always knew that one day we'd part,
And searching for truth, I see in my heart
That despite our connection, we just cannot be.
It's merely a flame that's easy to start.
And what of the link, and why is it there?
Trying to kill it, I no longer dare.
It's been there so long that it's part of me now;
As natural to me as breathing the air.
So giving up on my visions, I try to move on.
I realize again that you'll never be gone.
Maybe you'll be in my life down the Road,
But for now I'm alone on the Road that I'm on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE TRAVELLER
42002052121 - ©2002 WLL
Crawl into the blades of grass
Watch the insects living there
Follow trails they leave behind
Then take off into the air
Soar the skies until the night
Dive into the sea of life
Feel the waters guiding you
Telling all that you could do
Float once more into the sky
High above the clouds of gray
Listen to the stars so bright
Hear the words they have to say
Silence broken by their song
Growing louder as you fly
Feel their rhythm, hear their sound
Feel their music all around
Slowly, slowly, glide back down
Land once more upon the ground
Write the words that form down there
Remember all of what you've found
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ETERNITY
42002060751 - ©2002 WLL
Music plays
Stars are swirling
Within my head
Won't let go
Until I'm dead
Lost in space
Sadness lingers
Then falls away
I know that you
Will always stay
My soul is reaching
I miss your touch
I can't erase
The link with you
I see your face
Nothing more
And nothing less
Is what I need
From you now
I take your lead
My vision clears
I am alone
I understand
That I can love
Without demand
Lesson learned
My life goes on
I let you go
It's over now
I miss you so
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LAST NIGHT
42002060752 - ©2002 WLL
I know that we're over
I see that we're through
I hope we remain friends
I always feel you
Kiss me again, so tenderly
Before the night falls away
Hold me and touch me
Til the sun comes today
If this is our last night
I'll soon be alone
I want to remember
The sound of your tone
As you tell me the facts
Of how we're not true
I'm always your friend
I'll always feel you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEFT BEHIND
42002060861 - ©2002 WLL
Immunity's down
Mem'ries bound in
Feelings remain
I know I can't win
Where do we go
When we say goodbye?
I know you exist
You were not a lie
Sensing you here
But you're far away
I may not be crazy
So what if I'm sane?
The light that lit up
My life for a while
How it affected
The heart now on trial
So out come these words
I'm losing my mind
As I try even harder
To leave you behind
As I've been left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SELF-AFFLICTION
42002060862 - ©2002 WLL
Why do I make myself suffer?
Why won't I see
That I hate the fact
That we cannot be?
Why won't I move on
And go on alone?
Why won't I escape
This jail I call home?
Why do I see
The sky become dark
Stopping the sun
From reaching my heart?
Why wouldn't I tell you
That I care
So much more
Than I thought I should care?
This sea is too deep
For me to explore
Life swims at the bottom
But I stay at the shore
Watching the sun
Set low in the sky
I used to love dawn
I'm waiting to die
The hurt carries on
The madness, it lingers
I had it in hand
Now I'm licking my fingers
Where did I fall?
What hole did I find?
Which tattletale evil
Will I not leave behind?
Why do I hide
The sun in the sky?
Once the rain falls
Will the clouds become dry?
Where is the anger
That I want to feel?
What causes fear
Of everything real?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DAWN TO DUSK
42002061561 - ©2002 WLL
Sunlight glistens in the dawn
Rainbows in the drops of dew
Reflects upon the stills of water
Dawn has broken, day is new
Flashing lights of memories
Crackle clear across the sky
Early morning holds a truth
And by evening it will die
Early sun grows older now
Glistens in the faded light
Afternoon has just arrived
Quickly comes the dark of night
Be still my heart, with memories
For I knew it wouldn't last
I follow roads that never end
The sunlight faded in my past
Be still my heart, for deep inside
You know that you are full of light
For any star can burst with flame
And any heart can shine at night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MOURNING STAR
42002061562 - ©2002 WLL
All alone within the dawn
Twinkling like a teardrop falling
Wondering where the others went
Hoping one of them is calling
But the sky gets lighter still
And no others are in sight
All alone within the dawn
The silent star fades with the night
Every night the star is out
Weeping silent starlight rays
Calling in the sky in vain
As the nights turn into days
Mourning star, so all alone
Twinkling light fades with the dawn
It once had friends up in the sky
Now the other stars are gone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WANDERING SILENCE
42002062151 - ©2002 WLL
Trilling of frogs over the laps
Of waters kissing the edge of the lake
A boat afar like a ghost in the night
Silence of evening alone without light
Misty shadows off in the distance
A lonely light glistens on water
Darkness that whispers like hairs on the arm
The clouds overhead don't mean any harm
The light in the distance dims as another
Lights up the way upon the still lake
Slowly the night gives way to new sound
While we wake with dawn all around
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ISLAND OF DREAMS
42002062961 - ©2002 WLL
Wavy lines run down my hand
Shining green beneath the sand
Water laps against my shoe
Reminds me I'm not there with you
The sun sets low on a peaceful sea
But this is not where I should be
The soft caress of falling night
Makes me wish I could take flight
But someone clipped these wings of mine
And took away all clocks of time
Rising, setting, all I get
To remind me that we met
Night befalls a silent soul
Life, it slowly, takes its toll
The sun creates a lovely tan
Perhaps one day we'll meet again
On a lonely sun-kissed beach
You are always out of reach
So every night I dream you're here
And every night you stop my fear
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SUICIDE LIES
42002063071 - ©2002 WLL
Not sure where you're going
Can't recall where you've been
Going 'round in circles
You're over the edge again
What in your life made you collapse
Into a heap of such wounded mess
Never knew anyone as simple as you
Why have you kept me trying to guess?
Something inside has torn you apart
Darkness keeps looming far over your head
What could have broken a delicate heart
A vulture is waiting to take you for dead
You may not know that I wouldn't judge
But I don't understand just how you could lie
About something I think was failed suicide
Do you know how often I've wanted to die?
Amazing, to me, that I let you in
And somehow you thought that I wouldn't know
Now I must set you free from my head
How hard it must be to just let it go
First one lie
And then another
Intuition saw through it
Just like a mother
The moves you made
Every time your hand
Touched my own
You never saw land
People wonder
Why the simplest touch
Is so terrifying at times
It's often too much
I needed to know
And found out too soon
I doubted myself
Before doubting you
Never again
Will I make that mistake
I should have known
Out at the lake
You won't lie to me again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
for the second portion of 2002, click here.
2002 was a year of struggle for me. It did not take me long to figure out that my latest relationship was really an obsession with someone I barely knew outside of the less scientific realm. We ended our relationship and remained friends, despite the occasional hint that perhaps we should not have ended it. This lack of letting go completely on both sides made it very difficult for me to move on.
“Weeping Willow” pretty much summarizes the relationship at that point.
The poetry that followed reflected my inability to let go. Intermingled in there was an attempt to do so by succumbing to a rather sickly relationship that did not take long to capsize, reflected early on in “Growing Gills.”
The year ended with the realization that I’d learned to love. I suddenly saw things for what they were, even if I wasn’t quite willing to stop being willful in my ventures.